On love and absence

I want to start this out by saying that I've been wanting this for a long time, and that I'm so VERY happy I've made it. I also want to say that I'm recovering quite well; I catch myself staring at myself in the bathroom, admiring even how well this has gone for me. At first, when the bandages came off last Friday, I wasn't sure. It looked hideous, a pale and strange attempt and forming genitalia. I had to take a minute of studying myself to see even what was supposed to be what. And some of it had to be explained by the nurse. I had to remind myself that many surgeries don't resemble their final product at first, and the complex nature of this particular surgery. Now, with each passing day my labia and clitoris shrink as the swelling fade. I can see the finished product much better, though it may be several more weeks before I am healed completely. And I am so very happy.

That all said, this has been so incredibly hard. I fell in love - HARD - with the woman of my dreams right before my trip. We had grown so incredibly close to each other in that short amount of time, that I knew our separation would be a trying moment. We both stood there at the airport, crying for as many minutes as security would let her park the car in a loading zone, before we finally stepped out. "I love you," was the last thing we said to each other.

I'm grateful for technology. It's let me write this blog. It's also let me call and e-mail her whenever i can. Yet it has its limits. We still cannot touch each other...we cannot hold each other like we want to, to fall asleep in each others' arms. It has given us so much, and yet it's becoming very clear that these weeks are the longest weeks of our lives. And we still have one more.

I love you, Elizabeth. I love you more than I can put into words. Just a little more, baby. We're almost there. I'm almost home. And absence makes the heart grow fonder. Stay strong, my sweet.

On recovery

Today wasn't a whole lot of anything interesting, but I did have another follow up checkup in the morning.

First thing was, like before, Dr. Pichet came in for a full examination. He told me everything is looking good, but I can't begin dilating today. He said that in some patients, the graft of skin (formerly my scrotum) takes longer to set in the vaginal canal itself. While everything else seems to be healing well, he wants to wait a little longer before I begin dilating. It shouldn't be an issue; he'd rather wait than risk tearing it, and a couple more days won't hurt me any. I stand behind his professional opinion on the matter.

That said, I made a couple of strides today, all the same. For one, my blood drainage minimized to nearly nothing. I'll have to see in the morning if I can do a full night without any stains. Here's hoping! I'm also not "spraying" when I pee nearly as badly. Most of the time I have a solid stream. VERY good progress; that's one of those totally weird feelings, especially knowing that my urethra is no longer mobile. Finally, I was given the okay to begin taking my hormones again. That felt wonderful; I made it out of what felt like an eternity without! Granted, I had almost no T going around without my testes, so that helped a bit, but I missed my estrogen.

After I got back, we took a small walk around the block. We decided to get lunch at a roadside cart; BBQ chicken! Pretty good, too. As for how safe? Meh, I feel like being adventurous while I'm here.

We got back in the afternoon, and I logged on for awhile. I got to video chat with my darling again. I love technology some days, because I get to keep in touch with everybody back home. Even my readers here, which is great, via this blog. Seeing her beautiful, smiling face instantly brightens my day. She is my world. My everything. And I can't wait to be back home, so I can fall asleep in my love's dear arms again. I love her completely, with all of my being.