To my Former Church

(Taking a short detour, today. Hope you don't mind ~Sera)

To Whom it May Concern:

I am Sera Wohldmann. I was initially born in the body of a boy, however, though I shall not be named, excepted to say that I was once K.C. Wohldmann. Shortly after my April birth in 1987, I received the Sacrament of Baptism at All Saints Catholic Church in St. Peters, Missouri, USA. I grew up in a devout family; we attended Mass every Sunday and Holy Day, no matter how small. The crucifix was prominently displayed in our home, and we often prayed together.

I learned to read a little earlier than my classmates, and the first book I read was a Children's Illustrated Bible. For my primary education, I attended All Saints Catholic Grade School from kindergarten through 8th grade. I received my Sacraments of Reconciliation and Communion in the 2nd grade, and was Confirmed in the 9th.

I never finished the 8th grade at All Saints, though. Here's why. Everyone knew there was something different about me. I was a girl in a boy's body, but they never saw that. They never listened. I knew that I couldn't trust people. I turned to role playing games to escape. There, I could at least play the part of a woman, and a strong one, at that. As an aside, my mother was the breadwinner at home, so perhaps that influenced my feminism as I grew up. I loved strong female role models, and still do.

I began to have my doubts on the church, but I continued to pray. Jesus could save me. The saints could pray for me. The Virgin Mother could bless me. But they could not shake the feeling that came from within me. I know now, why. There is only one explanation: God made me this way.

Of course! None of them could change that about me, because there is nothing wrong with me! As the years went on, and the feelings never changed, I knew it was my body that needed to change. Now, at 23, I have the body I want (mostly), and I love myself for once. And I love a woman, too.

Now, I ask you, once and former church of mine. When you see me on the streets with my fiancée, as we laugh, as we cry, as we live, as we survive. Just like any couple. We deeply love each other. How, then, can you not love that? For the LORD said, "This is my greatest commandment: Love thy neighbor as thyself." I do not hate. Why, then, do my former neighbors in the church say that I am flawed? That I do not receive God's love?

You say, "No, we love the sinner, we do not like the sin." But you cannot separate us like that. I will marry this woman. I will start a family with her. And we will continue to love. Even if you could separate us, I ask you: What is sinful about LOVE?

Day 8

Dropped Mom off at the airport today. I think she does, but I really hope she knows just how much it meant to have her there with me, for emotional support, and the physical assistance I've required, as well. And, in the end, I think one of the best things, besides catching up on how things have been in the half a crazy year since last we saw each other, how much progress we have made towards acceptance. Ultimately, that's the goal for us all. Coming from the religious upbringings that I've had, it's been difficult to see whether or not that would ever happen until very recently. I'm proud of my Mom, in that way.

In the afternoon, my Aunt, Dr. K, escorted me to the clinic for my first of a few follow up visits. Dr. Pichet gave me a "full" examination, proving how, even already I have some very notable feeling and sensation in my lady bits. Though it was a bit uncomfortable at the time, it was an enlightening experience. He told me we would hold off dilating until later, and scheduled me to return on Thursday.

At this point, I got a thorough cleanup from one of the nurses as Dr. K asked Dr. Pichet for a few more details on the procedure, as she, being an anesthesiologist and a woman, rather curious as to the finer details. Seemed like they were enjoying their little chat as colleagues, too. For now, I've retired to the hotel for the night. We'll see how the next couple days goes. My next clinic visit is on Thursday, and I may not update until then if there's nothing major going on. See you then!

On the "holiday spirit"

Friends of mine, and a good deal of my family, know that I am very spiritual, but that I also loathe organized religion. That is my personal view, of course, but I find the philosophy that one must learn for oneself to be supreme over the idea of following the words of a man in a fancy robe.

That being said, as much as I realize the traditions of winter holidays, whether you call it Christmas, Yule, or whatever, are important, they are not so much to me. Sure, I miss my family, but I do not adhere to a faith that celebrates such a holiday, and I couldn't care less. On top of that, the fact that we rely so heavily upon the mass consumerism that comes with the season, frankly, rather nauseates me. Nor am I one to lie. And yet, I can't help but feel that I've made a huge mistake in admitting that?

I knew my girlfriend was different than I on this. I knew she liked Christmas, in a secular form. And in my classic Taurus ignorance, I never realized just how much she did. I have to work, graveyard shift as always, over Christmas Eve and Day, returning home in the mid morning of the 25th, only to sleep and go back to work that night. I never intended to miss work if my job wanted me on. In fact, I usually enter a new job and the first thing I say is, "I don't celebrate Judeo-Christian holidays, so if you need me Christmas, Easter, or wherever, just let me know." So it was with my current post.

Last night we talked a bit about Christmas. I had made some status updates regarding my views, simplified. I never meant to hurt her, and yet I can't help but feel I did. I'm sorry, baby. I'll try to make it up to you, somehow.