Entering my 7th week post recovery. Seems like it's been a long road, but that's probably just my impatience. I guess I kept thinking I would be further along by now. At the least, though, I think the past few days have brought some good progress.
Today, I stepped up to my last dilator. It's a 28mm diameter. It was actually pretty intimidating; something about it seemed so much bigger than the past couple of sizes. Still hoping I can work the length up to match the previous sizes; I taper off by almost a full inch and a half right now. I also haven't had any blood with my dilations in several days, which is quite comforting.
Speaking of such, my drainage is now almost nonexistent. It's still enough that I feel better wearing a pad, but it's so light I'm tempted to try going a day without just to see. I'm hoping that I only have a week or so left of that. Seriously, ladies, you try bleeding for 2 months and you'd look forward to the end, too! I know I probably shouldn't complain, since I won't have a monthly cycle, but still, 2 months is a long time.
Final note: While I still haven't heard anything back from Dr. Deutsch, that's likely due to the weekend and the time difference. I expect to hear back sometime today. Even if I don't, however, I've realized one thing. I may not look perfect right now, but I am quite happy with what I have now. Besides, too close to perfection and things are often more likely to "look" fake. And while I'm aware that I will always have some differences that give me away as altered, and other physical signs that show that I'm trans, I'm not afraid of those. I'm happy. And that's the point all along, isn't it?
Showing posts with label surgical complications. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgical complications. Show all posts
21 February, 2011
19 February, 2011
Mixed News
Yesterday I had my appointment with Dr. Deutsch at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center in Hollywood. It was a pretty lengthy stay there, for several reasons. And the results were a mixed bag.
Regarding the actual checkup, it appeared that any infection I may have had is gone. The ointment treatments seem to have worked, and to be safe, she recommended keeping them up for a little while longer. However, she did have one thing to say regarding the blood drainage I'm still having from my labia. She said she was not entirely sure, but that it appeared that I may have broken a stitch early after all, and that some of the draining is from that exposed area. She wants to double check with the surgeon, and took a picture to send in for additional information. She believes that may be why my clitoris seems undefined still at this time. Elizabeth had been thinking this as well, but didn't want to alarm me. Dr. Deutsch said that a corrective surgery may be necessary. I hope not, I still haven't paid off the last one, and it may be awhile before I do.
At the end, she noted that I still had some labs to do that I forgot to do last time. Well, since I was unsure of where to go and nobody told me last time, I had just gone home. Whoops, apparently. So, I went to the lobby to wait. And wait I did. Somewhere along the way, they lost my labs paperwork for about a half hour or so, but I finally got it. While waiting, Elizabeth got some paperwork started to try and get into Dr. Deutsch's care as well. They initially charged me a separate $11 for my labs. When I got my receipt, I had "male" in bold print sticking out of the top of the form. I got kinda pissed at that, so I brought it up to the receptionist while I was further waiting for the lab to actually call me inside.
I had some blood drawn and went back to the lobby. Apparently while there, I had been called back up. Turns out that they made a mistake, as my labs were covered by my insurance plan. They also wanted me to wait and talk to the supervisor regarding the gender label at the top of the form. After getting my refund, Elizabeth and I went into the supervisor's office.
Lisa is a very kind soul, though this would be the first time I had spoken much to her. She explained that, upon reviewing my forms, the lady who had done my financial screening forms had missed some parts altogether and fudged one, leaving me with a "male" marker. This was a major no-no, and it was fixed. Also, Lisa showed us a change they had made to their system.
Several months ago, shortly after Elizabeth and I first met, we went to the center to get HIV/STI testing at the Center. While I had no issues, they had blatantly fucked up her name, using her male name even though they knew her preferred name, and loudly, too. Shocking treatment for an LGBT services center, and leaving a sour taste in both our mouths. When I went to Dr. Deutsch the first time, I let her know exactly what had transpired that day.
Fast forward back to Thursday. The change that Lisa showed us was directly because of my report. She programmed a popup throughout the system that shows the preferred pronoun and name of any patient as necessary. We felt a lot better that we saw the action taken. While there, Lisa also went ahead and did Elizabeth's financial screening instead of waiting for Friday, since we had been pretty inconvenienced already by the error on my part. Even though mistakes were being made, I felt a lot better knowing that at least they were being handled. I reminded myself that the gender services were actually a rather new part of the Center's facilities, and that hiccups can be expected. With that in mind, the actions taken eased my mind somewhat. Knowing also that Elizabeth's name change was only 3 weeks away, something we are both very excited for, Lisa went ahead and updated the profile in their system with the new information anyway, saving us one step in the grand process of things. That was very nice of her.
Finally, we went downstairs for a prescription refill. Since I had never been to the center's pharmacy, it took another minute to process. When it was all done, I wasn't charged for my month of progesterone! I felt pretty good about that. Cash is very tight still, and every little bit helps. Things will get better, soon, I know. Patience, however, is not one of this Taurus' stronger attributes, however.
Regarding the actual checkup, it appeared that any infection I may have had is gone. The ointment treatments seem to have worked, and to be safe, she recommended keeping them up for a little while longer. However, she did have one thing to say regarding the blood drainage I'm still having from my labia. She said she was not entirely sure, but that it appeared that I may have broken a stitch early after all, and that some of the draining is from that exposed area. She wants to double check with the surgeon, and took a picture to send in for additional information. She believes that may be why my clitoris seems undefined still at this time. Elizabeth had been thinking this as well, but didn't want to alarm me. Dr. Deutsch said that a corrective surgery may be necessary. I hope not, I still haven't paid off the last one, and it may be awhile before I do.
At the end, she noted that I still had some labs to do that I forgot to do last time. Well, since I was unsure of where to go and nobody told me last time, I had just gone home. Whoops, apparently. So, I went to the lobby to wait. And wait I did. Somewhere along the way, they lost my labs paperwork for about a half hour or so, but I finally got it. While waiting, Elizabeth got some paperwork started to try and get into Dr. Deutsch's care as well. They initially charged me a separate $11 for my labs. When I got my receipt, I had "male" in bold print sticking out of the top of the form. I got kinda pissed at that, so I brought it up to the receptionist while I was further waiting for the lab to actually call me inside.
I had some blood drawn and went back to the lobby. Apparently while there, I had been called back up. Turns out that they made a mistake, as my labs were covered by my insurance plan. They also wanted me to wait and talk to the supervisor regarding the gender label at the top of the form. After getting my refund, Elizabeth and I went into the supervisor's office.
Lisa is a very kind soul, though this would be the first time I had spoken much to her. She explained that, upon reviewing my forms, the lady who had done my financial screening forms had missed some parts altogether and fudged one, leaving me with a "male" marker. This was a major no-no, and it was fixed. Also, Lisa showed us a change they had made to their system.
Several months ago, shortly after Elizabeth and I first met, we went to the center to get HIV/STI testing at the Center. While I had no issues, they had blatantly fucked up her name, using her male name even though they knew her preferred name, and loudly, too. Shocking treatment for an LGBT services center, and leaving a sour taste in both our mouths. When I went to Dr. Deutsch the first time, I let her know exactly what had transpired that day.
Fast forward back to Thursday. The change that Lisa showed us was directly because of my report. She programmed a popup throughout the system that shows the preferred pronoun and name of any patient as necessary. We felt a lot better that we saw the action taken. While there, Lisa also went ahead and did Elizabeth's financial screening instead of waiting for Friday, since we had been pretty inconvenienced already by the error on my part. Even though mistakes were being made, I felt a lot better knowing that at least they were being handled. I reminded myself that the gender services were actually a rather new part of the Center's facilities, and that hiccups can be expected. With that in mind, the actions taken eased my mind somewhat. Knowing also that Elizabeth's name change was only 3 weeks away, something we are both very excited for, Lisa went ahead and updated the profile in their system with the new information anyway, saving us one step in the grand process of things. That was very nice of her.
Finally, we went downstairs for a prescription refill. Since I had never been to the center's pharmacy, it took another minute to process. When it was all done, I wasn't charged for my month of progesterone! I felt pretty good about that. Cash is very tight still, and every little bit helps. Things will get better, soon, I know. Patience, however, is not one of this Taurus' stronger attributes, however.
10 February, 2011
Getting Better
Well, I can't say that today has been the most fun, but it was at least somewhat productive.
I got called into work for an extra day. Which, hells, I need the money pretty badly, as I'd established. Elizabeth gave me her last 4 dollars in cash so I could buy more pads on the way home. Otherwise, though, the shift was far more typical, unlike the previous days.
When I got home, I settled into my bedtime routine around 08:30 am. We washed our makeup off and I lay down on the bed to dilate. I pulled the first one out, and it was covered in blood. I freaked. At the beginning of my dilating routine, I would see old, brown blood mixed in with lube, but that hadn't been for at least a week. This was fresh blood.
I was shaking pretty badly. Elizabeth had to take a close look and tried to figure out what was up. She dabbed it up for me. My normal draining was almost all around my labia minora, mostly where the old skin was shedding, there would be some light blood dripping. Elizabeth noticed, however, that due to the dryness and irritation from the infection, there was another spot just outside the vaginal opening that had "cracked," much like a chapped lip will bleed if untreated. The entry of the dilator and possibly my laying position had pulled that blood into the canal, making it look a lot worse than it had been.
At the time, though, we were both speculating. Well, okay, she was speculating, I was crying and shaking. She then applied the ointment for me and we went to bed, a little later than normal. I didn't finish my dilating that time.
The sleep was interrupted a couple times by possible upcoming gigs for me. Which means finally some good news, hopefully, regarding my playing career.
That evening, just a couple of hours ago, I would wake for good. It was one of my douche nights anyways, which helped narrow down some of the theories from that morning. Just minutes ago, I finished the dilating that I meant to do before, and it was much better. Some of the same bleeding going on, but at least now we know for sure.
Next Thursday can't come fast enough though. At least I get paid tonight. It's not much, but it's something. And even better, my lovely fiancée is so good to me, even when things seem to go wrong. One of so many things I love about her.
I got called into work for an extra day. Which, hells, I need the money pretty badly, as I'd established. Elizabeth gave me her last 4 dollars in cash so I could buy more pads on the way home. Otherwise, though, the shift was far more typical, unlike the previous days.
When I got home, I settled into my bedtime routine around 08:30 am. We washed our makeup off and I lay down on the bed to dilate. I pulled the first one out, and it was covered in blood. I freaked. At the beginning of my dilating routine, I would see old, brown blood mixed in with lube, but that hadn't been for at least a week. This was fresh blood.
I was shaking pretty badly. Elizabeth had to take a close look and tried to figure out what was up. She dabbed it up for me. My normal draining was almost all around my labia minora, mostly where the old skin was shedding, there would be some light blood dripping. Elizabeth noticed, however, that due to the dryness and irritation from the infection, there was another spot just outside the vaginal opening that had "cracked," much like a chapped lip will bleed if untreated. The entry of the dilator and possibly my laying position had pulled that blood into the canal, making it look a lot worse than it had been.
At the time, though, we were both speculating. Well, okay, she was speculating, I was crying and shaking. She then applied the ointment for me and we went to bed, a little later than normal. I didn't finish my dilating that time.
The sleep was interrupted a couple times by possible upcoming gigs for me. Which means finally some good news, hopefully, regarding my playing career.
That evening, just a couple of hours ago, I would wake for good. It was one of my douche nights anyways, which helped narrow down some of the theories from that morning. Just minutes ago, I finished the dilating that I meant to do before, and it was much better. Some of the same bleeding going on, but at least now we know for sure.
Next Thursday can't come fast enough though. At least I get paid tonight. It's not much, but it's something. And even better, my lovely fiancée is so good to me, even when things seem to go wrong. One of so many things I love about her.
08 February, 2011
Quickie
I got off work yesterday morning and had to do one of my least favorite errands. I called the LA Gay and Lesbian Center, hoping to set up an urgent appointment to check on my bits. I want to make sure everything is okay. Unfortunately, Dr. Maddie Deutsch won't be in for about 10 more days, and while I scheduled a check for that anyways for my hormones, I needed something quicker.
They asked me to call Dr. Gary Alter, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon that is often recommended by the Center. When I called, the nurse asked where I had my GRS done. I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I said "Bangkok, Thailand." She warned me that they don't often look at other surgeon's cases, but that because Dr. Alter was in the OR at that moment, I should e-mail him and see what he can do. So I did.
I didn't have anything in my inbox when I woke up, which was around 1845. I had gone to sleep late, so waking then was a little later than normal. I figured they had just dropped me. To my surprise, I got a reply around 1930. He asked me to call early. I replied that, as a graveyard worker, he should define "early" for me. I could easily call at 0300 if he wanted to, after all.
Again surprising me, I had another reply around 2330 when I got to work. He booked me for noon Tuesday (today) and asked me to call in the morning to confirm things. Guess I'll do that around 0800 just to be safe. I can't find any hours on the website, which I think is kinda bullshit. At least someone will look, so I'll be grateful for that. I can't help the fact that I get nervous around new doctors, and this will be at least the 4th new one in the past year.
Now, the question is, I'm dead fuckin' broke, and I think my insurance expired while I was away, since they didn't withhold any payment. Hope that's not a problem...
They asked me to call Dr. Gary Alter, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon that is often recommended by the Center. When I called, the nurse asked where I had my GRS done. I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I said "Bangkok, Thailand." She warned me that they don't often look at other surgeon's cases, but that because Dr. Alter was in the OR at that moment, I should e-mail him and see what he can do. So I did.
I didn't have anything in my inbox when I woke up, which was around 1845. I had gone to sleep late, so waking then was a little later than normal. I figured they had just dropped me. To my surprise, I got a reply around 1930. He asked me to call early. I replied that, as a graveyard worker, he should define "early" for me. I could easily call at 0300 if he wanted to, after all.
Again surprising me, I had another reply around 2330 when I got to work. He booked me for noon Tuesday (today) and asked me to call in the morning to confirm things. Guess I'll do that around 0800 just to be safe. I can't find any hours on the website, which I think is kinda bullshit. At least someone will look, so I'll be grateful for that. I can't help the fact that I get nervous around new doctors, and this will be at least the 4th new one in the past year.
Now, the question is, I'm dead fuckin' broke, and I think my insurance expired while I was away, since they didn't withhold any payment. Hope that's not a problem...
05 February, 2011
On Complications...
I think anyone who's ever looked at transgender surgical procedures is aware that there is risk involved. Hells, there is risk for any surgery, for that matter. Vaginoplasty is also pretty invasive, at that, so it increases the risks. Ahead is a post that may be a bit much for the squeamish or the TMI crowd. I intend to speak very openly, and it would be fraudulent to both you and I to omit anything.
I'm fine. I want to emphasize that.
Yet I'm unsure what's going on. Lately, I've had some redness around the area, specifically just inside my labia majora. There have also been, I guess you could call it "trails" of dead skin extending from my labia minora. They look as if they are just leftover scab tissue from the healing that's been going on, and also that it hangs on, outlasting its usefulness in the process. It also kinda...smells. No nice way to put that.
We're hoping it's just a minor infection. I put some leftover Mybacin ointment on it for now, I'd like to see how that works. I also know that, like many other cases small to large, that getting a checkup is going to be difficult. My current primary physician is Dr. Maddie Deutsch at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. I know she is experienced in this, but the wait can be unpredictable. Yet I don't know if I can go anywhere else to help. If I did go to an urgent care or gynecologist's office, would they know what to expect? What to look for? Would they even look? I can't really say I know the answer to that.
I'd also be mildly ignorant to say I haven't looked at possible major complications. My paranoid side is freaking at one of them - Tissue Necrosis - as the symptoms/causes listed match in a small way. For right now, though, I think I can consider it minor unless it lasts for a long time. And yet I don't know exactly what to do, either. I don't have an exact answer. I suppose that, in itself, is why I write these things on this blog; because if I don't, and no one else does, who will help those that come after me? I'll keep this updated.
I'm fine. I want to emphasize that.
Yet I'm unsure what's going on. Lately, I've had some redness around the area, specifically just inside my labia majora. There have also been, I guess you could call it "trails" of dead skin extending from my labia minora. They look as if they are just leftover scab tissue from the healing that's been going on, and also that it hangs on, outlasting its usefulness in the process. It also kinda...smells. No nice way to put that.
We're hoping it's just a minor infection. I put some leftover Mybacin ointment on it for now, I'd like to see how that works. I also know that, like many other cases small to large, that getting a checkup is going to be difficult. My current primary physician is Dr. Maddie Deutsch at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. I know she is experienced in this, but the wait can be unpredictable. Yet I don't know if I can go anywhere else to help. If I did go to an urgent care or gynecologist's office, would they know what to expect? What to look for? Would they even look? I can't really say I know the answer to that.
I'd also be mildly ignorant to say I haven't looked at possible major complications. My paranoid side is freaking at one of them - Tissue Necrosis - as the symptoms/causes listed match in a small way. For right now, though, I think I can consider it minor unless it lasts for a long time. And yet I don't know exactly what to do, either. I don't have an exact answer. I suppose that, in itself, is why I write these things on this blog; because if I don't, and no one else does, who will help those that come after me? I'll keep this updated.
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