On Ferengi

Known to the rest of you as "The American Health Care System." Known to myself and many as "A load of fuckin' bullshit."

As instructed, I called Dr. Alter in the morning to confirm. By that point, the doctor was already in the OR, as I understand it, so I was back to talking to a nurse. She told me that my file was written up and ready, and that it would be $100. No, they don't take any health insurance. And that they had dropped it down from $150 "just for me."

I had $15 to my name, and it was in my pocket. I told them that was all I had, and asked them to take that for now and bill me the rest. After being on hold a couple times now, and being told that the girl on the other end was already being yelled at because the doctor was in the middle of a surgery (like that's my fault they never game me a TIME to call, they just said, "early,") I was told $75 and that that was all they could do.

I told them that I couldn't be in if they couldn't work with me. They had not told me anything about charges, nor did they mention they took NO health insurance, NOTHING. Complete back door greed and utter failure to behave professionally. Who pulls that shit? Especially a doctor?

I resigned myself that I wouldn't get looked at until next week with Dr. Deutsch. It knocked the wind out of my sails. Especially since it was after a particularly grueling night at work. I went home and continued the antibiotic ointment treatment after dilating, which seemed to be helping. And then I snuggled up with my baby.

But I did not sleep, this time. I couldn't. Instead, I meditated. I sought clarity. I demanded some answers. And I invoked wisdom and strength of my god. After all, I could not achieve our mutual goals if I could not survive this hurdle.

I believe I was blessed. After waking up, making some burritos for my baby and I, and taking a shower, I noticed something. The redness was way down. So was the odor. For that matter, most of the dying skin was gone except for a very small covering in the middle of my inner labia. I don't believe in miracles, per se. But sometimes, I have been blessed. We'll see how things go from here, but I'm feeling a lot better about everything.

Quickie

I got off work yesterday morning and had to do one of my least favorite errands. I called the LA Gay and Lesbian Center, hoping to set up an urgent appointment to check on my bits. I want to make sure everything is okay. Unfortunately, Dr. Maddie Deutsch won't be in for about 10 more days, and while I scheduled a check for that anyways for my hormones, I needed something quicker.

They asked me to call Dr. Gary Alter, a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon that is often recommended by the Center. When I called, the nurse asked where I had my GRS done. I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I said "Bangkok, Thailand." She warned me that they don't often look at other surgeon's cases, but that because Dr. Alter was in the OR at that moment, I should e-mail him and see what he can do. So I did.

I didn't have anything in my inbox when I woke up, which was around 1845. I had gone to sleep late, so waking then was a little later than normal. I figured they had just dropped me. To my surprise, I got a reply around 1930. He asked me to call early. I replied that, as a graveyard worker, he should define "early" for me. I could easily call at 0300 if he wanted to, after all.

Again surprising me, I had another reply around 2330 when I got to work. He booked me for noon Tuesday (today) and asked me to call in the morning to confirm things. Guess I'll do that around 0800 just to be safe. I can't find any hours on the website, which I think is kinda bullshit. At least someone will look, so I'll be grateful for that. I can't help the fact that I get nervous around new doctors, and this will be at least the 4th new one in the past year.

Now, the question is, I'm dead fuckin' broke, and I think my insurance expired while I was away, since they didn't withhold any payment. Hope that's not a problem...

Love!

I'll let the following two images explain what happened Wednesday night:

I decided that when I made this step, I was going to do it somewhere that meant something to both of us. There were probably several options for that, actually. However, we met at the transgender dance night at the Oxwood Inn in Van Nuys, and I knew that would be a perfect venue.

First off, for the record, while I popped the question to her in public, in private, she had already asked it of me. On top of that, we bought the rings together. So in a way tradition was fudged a little bit. Then again, it's still a marriage of two women, so, I suppose some "traditions" are already out the window.

Still, I wanted it to be perfect. We both decided that, maybe just once, we were going to go dressed up a little more than usual. Both of us tend to go with moderate tops and jeans, as that's more fitting of the "dive bar" environment, and for some reason, that's considered unusual. I have my theories on why, but that's for another post.

Yeah, we goth'd it up a bit. I even went all out with my platform heel boots, not that I need any more height than I have. We matched up as best we could, and I think we both looked beautiful. It was a bit quiet at the club, but then again, the mid week nights often are. That's okay. There was still the midnight show, though I wasn't sure what it was yet.

Still, I had made some preparations. I sent an e-mail to the MC of the club asking to borrow the mic around midnight. However, the date changed at the last second! I initially was going to do this on Thursday, but then the rehearsals (see previous post) came up. And the MC didn't get my last e-mail, the one saying I wanted to move to Wednesday AND explained what I was going to do. So, I looked a little suspicious walking up and talking to her about it before hand. Oh well.

At midnight, there was the performing act, a Lady Gaga impersonation/lip sync. After her two songs, the MC asked me up to the stage, as I was wanting her to do. She said that she wasn't sure what, but she let me take over. Gods was I nervous - apparently while Jäger can be a great way to calm down, a couple of JägerBOMBs, not so much. I forget what I said. I remember saying my name, and mentioning that I once met someone very special at that club. And I called her, "Ms. Elizabeth ****" to the stage.

"I remember the day you walked in the room in front of me...the day we met. And I knew that you were someone very special. And with each passing day, I knew more and more how much I love you." I got down on one knee.
Cries of, "Is this really happening?" rang out from the background among the gasps. I produced the rings.
"Elizabeth...will you marry me?"
She took the microphone from my hand after a short pause. Her voice was wavering just a little as she held back tears. And I believe she said, "Unabashedly, unequivocally, and unmistakably YES!" (She didn't hold the mic very close, but that's okay).

We embraced on that stage for a moment as I gave up the microphone. The MC was shocked! Because she never got my e-mail, she didn't know what was happening until it did. For that matter, the same with the photographer, who still did her best getting as many tender shots as she could. It was the transgender club's first ever proposal. And above all else, it was our night.

We ended up back home within a few short hours. We fell asleep in each other's arms, like we often do. And from that day, we have not held back telling the world, "Yes, that is my fiancée." I can't wait to call her my wife. It may be a long engagement, as there is much to do, both legally and otherwise, to make this wedding perfect. But when we do, it will replace that night as the greatest night of our lives.

On Complications...

I think anyone who's ever looked at transgender surgical procedures is aware that there is risk involved. Hells, there is risk for any surgery, for that matter. Vaginoplasty is also pretty invasive, at that, so it increases the risks. Ahead is a post that may be a bit much for the squeamish or the TMI crowd. I intend to speak very openly, and it would be fraudulent to both you and I to omit anything.

I'm fine. I want to emphasize that.

Yet I'm unsure what's going on. Lately, I've had some redness around the area, specifically just inside my labia majora. There have also been, I guess you could call it "trails" of dead skin extending from my labia minora. They look as if they are just leftover scab tissue from the healing that's been going on, and also that it hangs on, outlasting its usefulness in the process. It also kinda...smells. No nice way to put that.

We're hoping it's just a minor infection. I put some leftover Mybacin ointment on it for now, I'd like to see how that works. I also know that, like many other cases small to large, that getting a checkup is going to be difficult. My current primary physician is Dr. Maddie Deutsch at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. I know she is experienced in this, but the wait can be unpredictable. Yet I don't know if I can go anywhere else to help. If I did go to an urgent care or gynecologist's office, would they know what to expect? What to look for? Would they even look? I can't really say I know the answer to that.

I'd also be mildly ignorant to say I haven't looked at possible major complications. My paranoid side is freaking at one of them - Tissue Necrosis - as the symptoms/causes listed match in a small way. For right now, though, I think I can consider it minor unless it lasts for a long time. And yet I don't know exactly what to do, either. I don't have an exact answer. I suppose that, in itself, is why I write these things on this blog; because if I don't, and no one else does, who will help those that come after me? I'll keep this updated.

Darkest Before the Dawn

Been awhile. Sorry for the delay, but hey, here's a handful of updates!

So, while I was overseas, my band, God's Weapon, finished up (mostly) their last track on our debut album, "The Light and the Darkness." I got a scratch track by e-mail, but that barely did it justice. On Thursday, we met up at our rehearsal studio and worked it out. It was crazy breaking it down, especially since we are a 7 piece, and unfortunately drummer Lorne Ahmed was unavailable that night, but we did it. Our newest member, female vocalist Denise, jumped right into it with brand new lyrics. Completely mind blowing, at that; veteran member and male vocalist Adam Maloney has done so much lyric work with this band that I bet he was surprised to see such motivation from a brand new face. I think Denise will work out VERY well. Bonus points: Denise is also openly gay, and her girlfriend Laura has made practice appearances as well. Which worked out well for Elizabeth, as she has someone to chat with.

Keep an eye out, as well, for some upcoming news. In addition to this great tune (see blog title), Elizabeth also pulled out some cameras and got some great shots that night. Getting some real press exposure is going to be  nice boost for us, as well, if we work this right. My sweetheart has quite a few talents, even if she is somewhat reluctant to admit it at times.

Anyways, the game plan is to get into the studio by February 19th for finishing up both Love is Strength's vocal and violins, and laying down all of Darkest Before the Dawn. We're looking at taking the next couple of weeks to refine the tune, maybe finish the scratch track before we head in. The energy is up! Can't wait!

GOD'S WEAPON IS:
Traf Lewis: Guitars & M Vocals
Adam Maloney: M Lead Vocals
Denise Morrow: F Lead Vocals
Margot Lane: Violins
Beaux Bruggman: Guitars
Sera Wohldmann: Bass Guitar & MtF Vocals
Lorne Ahmed: Drums

Accommodations

I thought I'd do a little follow up piece now that I'm back home.

In the last few days before flying out to Thailand, I kept in communication with Dr. Pichet along the way, making sure that the transportation was all set to pick everyone up as needed. I was grateful for this service, which he provided at no additional charge, as it made planning things a lot easier.  To that end, I asked him for a recommended hotel that he would travel to. He recommended the Atrium Boutique hotel, which was a very short couple of kilometers from his clinic.

The area was easy to get around on both foot and taxi. This was especially nice for K and I, as we both liked to do some walking to get things we needed. Of course, the walking was good for the rehabilitation, as well.

The hotel itself was very contemporary. We arrived at around 04:00 on that first day, and we were greeted with a warm smile. Our names had been passed along from the clinic, and we had a room ready to go. They even had two cold glasses of water waiting for us, free of charge. I thought that was a nice gesture. Arriving at our room, we found a single mounted A/C unit, a mini fridge stocked daily with free bottled waters, TV with a handful of English channels, two twin beds, and a comfortable bath.

The hotel had a buffet breakfast from 6 to 10 every day. Basic, but it was reliable without a lot of headache. The restaurant was also available 24/7, as was room service. We ate at that restaurant several times. It didn't take long to figure out which servers had a decent knowledge of English, and which ones were...well, scared shitless to take our table. But the food was good, and decently priced. They also had mixed drinks, smoothies, and beers. Kind of nice, actually. Until 20:00 came along...

Yes, at 20:00, the pianist would arrive. Now, I'm going to come off like a raging bitch saying this, but I didn't like this guy. He played with no sense of time. Seems like any time he tried to flourish, the time would always scatter -- HORRIBLY. He played various lounge and popular covers, and that's not a bad thing. Except that they were all sped up to the point of having no feeling whatsoever. Imagine "Yesterday" by the Beatles at twice the tempo, and occasionally just plain out of time. Now, imagine every song like that. By the end of the trip, we ended dinner by 20:00 regularly, in part because I couldn't take it! And in part because we figured out that SyFy played Star Trek: The Next Generation (Season 7) in sequence. And K and I like our sci-fi.

For a few days after surgery, of course, my quarters were at the clinic. Very warm, with some traditional touches, but clearly contemporary in design. Yes, there was a lot of modern equipment; I have heard a lot of concern regarding the conditions in Thailand. I couldn't complain in the slightest, however. The building was at least 4 stories tall, I believe. The lobby contained desks for the paperwork and the kitchen, along with a small Buddhist shrine. The 2nd floor was the exam rooms and consultation room. The consultation room had a lot of papers and viewing materials for the procedures, along with a few aids like breast forms and dilators. The exam rooms were well equipped and clean, including privacy screens (while Mom saw a little more as she helped me, K elected to defer to my modesty). The 3rd floor was the operating floor; the OR and recovery rooms, as well as the inpatient rooms. Our room had an extra bed for Mom on top of everything else. We never saw the other floors, but as we understood it, the doctors and nursing staff lived up there so they could be summoned as needed. Which happened once or twice while I was there.

In Pattaya, we had a different hotel, as well. This one was clearly a little different; the style was closer to traditional. It still had a fridge, A/C, and TV, as well. I found the beds a little less comfortable, but they're doable. The wooden elephant-face carved lamps were a cute touch, though.

All in all, I enjoyed my stay there. The Atrium, as well, was very affordable; approximately $40 a night for a deluxe room for two. I would recommend that, if you're considering going to Bangkok for any cosmetic procedure including but not limited to GRS, to consider this for lodging. It helps to have something familiar, after all.

Back Home

Hey, everybody! Just letting you know that I'm back in LA. Needed a day away from the computer to unwind. What an experience!

I flew with China Eastern Airlines. I won't say they're a bad airline, but not exactly great either. I'm trying not to judge too harshly because of the language differences. I got out of Shanghai on my layover leg to LA about 2 hours late, with no explanation as to why. Also, while there, I learned that several major websites, including Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger, were all blocked in China. Kinda sucked, since I used all 3 of them to keep in touch with everybody. Oh well, it wasn't too long, anyways.

Outside of that, it was a pretty uneventful setup, though the hotel we booked at for the night between flights (it was a 13 hour layover) ended up being really damn nice! It was a Howard Johnson just on the edge of Pudong.  It was nice having a hot shower, too - my experience between the multiple hotel rooms and public bathrooms was that hot water wasn't particularly available or important (one of the two). Not sure what that was about, but it kinda sucked.

On the day I landed, my honey was there waiting for me. I was so happy to be back with her! I can't possibly express just how much I missed her. As I type this, she's by my side, doing a little online shopping with me. And soon, we'll be headed off to sleep, and all will be right with the world again.

I love you!